The Alchemy of Becoming

Alchemy is defined as the process of taking something ordinary and turning it into something extraordinary, sometimes in a way that cannot be explained. 

Years ago, in my thirties, while attending a seven-day intensive workshop led by the late Dr. Sidney Simon, Professor Emeritus from the University of Massachusetts (an authority in the areas of values clarification and self-esteem), I learned a secret about the alchemy of becoming.                                               

Sixty strangers came together for a workshop on values clarification at the University of San Diego in California. Attending were school teachers, guidance counselors and therapists. I was in the beginning stages of following a course of study in becoming a minister. The days were long and the week was demanding filled with statistics and formulas while reestablishing our personal values, evaluating our confidence and improving our communication skills. The purpose was to transform our ability to better assist those whose lives we served. The daily exercises and activities consisted of exploring our personal beliefs through the stories we had established in our childhood and still held as true in making our adult decisions. As group conversations ensued and sharing of our views and stories came to light, we began to discover our imperfect selves with different eyes. As Mark Nepo states in his book,  The Book of Awakening: “Ultimately, it is where we are  not  perfect—where we are broken and cracked, where the wind whistles through—that is the stuff of transformation.”

One particular activity, still memorable to this day, began on our first day in class. Each one of us was given a 4 ½” x 9 ½” white mailing envelope to decorate. A table with children’s crayons, markers and stickers was prepared for us to embellish our envelopes making sure our names were boldly printed in our favorite color. On completion of our decorated envelopes we pinned them on a large cork bulletin board in the back of the room, making sure everyone could read our names. The instructions were given then and repeated every morning as the week unfolded: “catch someone doing something that touches your heart’ and write a note and place it inside their envelope.”
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As insignificant as this exercise may sound, running into the classroom every morning to check our notes became the highlight of everyone’s day.  Within the week, we had each collected a couple hundred notes and our class transformed from a group of strangers into a caring connection whose soul purpose was to make a positive impact in other’s lives. We listened deeply to each other, and expected others to listen to us as well. We learned that first impressions require not only our consideration, but our reconsideration as well. We dropped our mask of who we wanted others to see and exposed ourselves with trusting transparency. We formed relationships. 

Here is the secret revealed: all of life consists of forming relationships. Whether personal or professional, the realization of any idea, effort, decision, discovery, or healing starts with the relationship we have with ourselves. The more of ourselves we uncover, the gift of who we are, through our own exploration and through the eyes of others who care for us, the more we can tap into the fullness of who we are. The transformation from the ordinary to the extraordinary begins in knowing we can’t give what we don’t have. Certainly, the measure of who we have become is in our giving.

“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.”
—Pablo Picasso.

On this Thanksgiving Holiday, let us give thanks for the fullness of who we are continually becoming; for the relationships with our families, friends, co-workers, community, our country and the world.  Let us give thanks for what is good and healthy in our lives and write a note to someone when you “catch them doing something that touches your heart!”