Friendships

​This past month I had a bit of a health scare. Leaving the doctor's office with the first flush of uncomfortable news, I though of how much I did not want to be alone. I knew I would reach out to share my bumpy news with someone who would understand how I was feeling. In the midst of thinking of the importance of connecting, I felt fortunate to have friends. My entire life, I have had the good fortune of being surrounded by people who care about me. Okay…the fact that I’m their hairdresser has certainly added to my value in our relationship. Nevertheless, I thought of the significance of friendships.  

Nothing can be accomplished without others. A business needs clients to keep the company active and profitable. Churches, hospitals, airports and grocery stores, including the internet and entertainment industry depend on others for their continued existence. Similarly, our personal lives depend on people, to not only embrace us in tough times but to join us in celebrating our joys and triumphs. Whether forming a business relationship or a personal friendship, connections require trust and consideration. In every moment, whether we are purchasing an item, undergoing medical treatments, working in an office, running a business, managing a family, or falling in love we need each other to flourish. As author John Donne writes; ‘ no man is an island .’ We are indeed intrinsically connected from the beginning of our birth until we take our last breath.

The sooner we understand the value of relationships and friendships, the more rapidly we will begin to truly enjoy our lives, not only physically and emotionally, but in the highest expression of our spiritual lives. I believe every relationship, whether pleasurable or painful has been divinely assigned to us in order to grow us and teach us who we were born to be particularly if the relationship helps us confirm what we do not want in our lives. In business at times it will be necessary to release a client. Likewise in our personal lives, letting go of a relationship conflicting with our well-being may be a healthy choice for us to make. High-quality, trusting and supportive relationships take time and effort to cultivate. Although a business relationship and a personal friend appear to be miles apart, we are still building connections and fine tuning our most intimate preferences. As I’ve heard it said, ‘how we do one thing, we do everything.’

Recently my friend Victoria Trafton, a referral strategist, whose specialty is business relationship development sent a piece in one of her weekly "pearls of wisdom" articles. Although the article deals with the business aspect of cultivating relationships, I couldn’t help but apply its message to cultivating our personal friendships as well. Although this is a list of what not to do, its opposite suggestion of  what to do is meaningful:
  
Beware the 7 Deadly Sins of Networking:

Gossip – let people tell their own story, it is not yours to tell.
Exaggeration – the truth is good enough and it is sustainable.
Negativity – successful people are attracted to positive people.
Disparaging others - won't make you look better.
Trying to prove you are right or smart - makes you look arrogant. 
Criticism – it is easy to find fault; people want you to see the best in them.
Fake it until you make it - take off the mask. Authenticity is at the heart of trust.
   
The word "friendship" kept coming up during the week waiting for a diagnosis. It appeared in my daily readings by Mark Nepo in his book,  The book of awakening ; “Honest friends are doorways to our souls, and loving friends are the grasses that soften the world. It is no mistake that the German root of the word  friendship  means “place of high safety.”  I appreciate his words and felt the awareness that “loving friends are the grasses that soften the world” and often I do feel in my friendships a “place of high safety.”

Once again in Mary Pipher’s book,  Women Rowing North, Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age , I read, “Friendship is really not a noun but a verb. Relationships of any kind require attention, energy, and time. If they are not nourished, they lose their value. When we are with our friends, we are always ‘friendshiping.’ That is, we are listening, sharing our own experiences, laughing, comforting each other, and enjoying the present moment.”

Today and everyday, I am committed to paying attention to my friends, especially those who soften my world and provide a place of high safety and I shall keep Victoria’s list as a guide post for being a better friend.

I am indeed grateful for friends, prayers and for receiving a clean bill of health. Here’s to our friendship!